Three Little Pigs Say Barf Barf Barf
by emoly01
Summary: Ed and Roy reluctantly agreed to babysit Al's one year old son, Seth. As much as Ed loved his nephew, he wasn't too psyched about having a sick toddler running around Roy's home - and for good reason. (FYI, completely plotless)


Ed loved waking up in the morning. He always felt warm, and refreshed, and his mind was so _clear_. He opened his eyes and examined his partner's face. A strong pale arm rested on Ed's waist, and dark eyes were hidden by pale eyelids. Ed didn't particularly care for gooey romantic shit, so he didn't often do things like admire his sleeping lover's face. On occasion, though, it was good to remind himself of how vulnerable Roy was in his sleep. It kept him protective. His admiration didn't last long, because he couldn't care less if he actually woke Roy, and he had to take a piss.

Not giving a shit about if he was loud or moved too much or too quickly, he rolled out of bed and padded across their shared bedroom to the doorway. It, of course, woke Roy, who was quite a light sleeper. Roy opened his eyes blearily and appreciated the view of Ed's behind, almost naked except for the skewed boxers on his hips. Once Ed was out of sight, he closed his eyes and sighed contentedly. He'd always hated waking up, but Ed had changed that a little. It wasn't so bad, not when half the time Ed woke him up by insisting they have sex. It didn't usually take a lot of persuasion. Maybe he could go back to sleep right now, though...

The phone rang, a shrill, abrupt, heart-stopping sound. Roy almost ignored it, except it rang a second time, and Ed shouted from down the hall, "I'm not allowed to answer your phone, _and_ I'm pissing, Mustang! Go fuckin' get it!" Roy groaned, and stumbled to his feet. _These_ were the mornings he hated waking up to - when Ed stopped calling him by his first name, when the phone kept ringing, when life was knocking on his door and being a god damn nosy bitch about it. Sleepily frowning, he reached the telephone in the living room by the sixth ring.

He picked it up. "Mustang speaking."

"Oh, hello, Roy. Is my brother there?"

Roy rubbed his eyes. "He's currently occupied. Can I help you?"

Al answered easily, "Winry and I are in town, and we accidentally made appointments for ourselves at one. I have to talk to a professor about my thesis, and Winry has a customer to see to. Neither of us can take Seth with us. Would you two mind babysitting today?" Roy blinked a few times, trying to come up with a good answer through his sleep clogged brain. Al waited patiently, but when Roy didn't say anything, he added, "It'll only be a few hours. We can't leave him alone because - well, he's only fourteen months old but he's also been sick the past couple days. It wouldn't be too much trouble, would it?"

Roy sighed. "It's fine with me, but you should really talk to Ed about this."

"Well, I _did _ask to speak with him," Al reminded Roy. One cue, Ed appeared in the living room doorway, still in his boxers, arms folded across his chest. Roy looked up when he heard the soft _thump-clank-thump-clank_ of Ed's flesh and automail feet slapping the floor. Ed met his gaze and raised a silent eyebrow in question - the typical questions: who is it, what do they want? "Is he still occupied?" Al inquired in Roy's ear.

"He just showed up, actually," Roy informed Al, and held out the phone for Ed.

Ed took it and said, "Hello?" Roy sat down on the couch with a long sigh. He hated waking up... He didn't know why he said yes to having the baby over, either. He hated kids, let alone babies. They were so... fragile. Elicia and Seth... He could deal with them since they were practically family, but otherwise kids were loud and infuriating and needy. He and Ed had never talked about kids because - well, it wasn't like they were thinking about getting pregnant, were they? Roy had just assumed Ed liked kids, even if babies probably made him just as nervous as they did Roy. He'd also assumed Ed really loved Seth because they shared the same blood.

Which was why it surprised Roy to hear Ed snap into the phone, "We're not having your snot nosed little brat spreading germs all over our home! What made you think it was a good idea to ask me?" Roy frowned and turned his head to look at Ed. What was the blond thinking? Couldn't he tell Al was a little desperate? What had Ed expected them to do?

"How the hell am I the most obvious choice?" Ed contended. He rolled his eyes at whatever Al was saying. "I don't care if I'm his only family that isn't busy today - which you assumed, by the way. I have no certification for babysitting, and I know for a fact that if he comes over, Roy and I will be puking our guts out for the better part of the week." Ed's expression grew offended. "Frightened!" he repeated, "I'm _not_ frightened of a one year old with a runny nose! I just don't want the fucking _Fuhrer_ to get sick because I don't know how to say no to my little brother!" He scowled. "I'm not hiding behind my boyfriend. We _will_ get sick if Seth comes over."

He tossed his free hand into the air from exasperation. "And waste my day off in someone else's home? Maybe I don't have anything going on at the moment, but I _was_ planning on having steamy sex this afternoon. Are you asking me to give that up so I can watch a non-comprehending, drooling, uncoordinated, germ-infested little brat because you and Winry made a mistake?" He shook his head as Al spoke on the other end. "No," he said, "Just ask someone else. Have you called the Hughes's house?"

His shoulders dropped and he scowled firmly. "No, I didn't mean tha-" He stopped and listened to Al berate him for a few more minutes. "I'm his crazy uncle, not his dad. He doesn't need me-." He stopped again, clearly interrupted. Roy raised an eyebrow, wondering what exactly Al was saying to make Ed react like that, soft frown and all. "I'm not like that bastard because I want a day off with my boyfrien-"

He drummed his fingers on his thigh as he was interrupted once more. His jaw fell in horror. "Al! What - Ew! That's disgusting!" He pulled a face, an expression of pure terror. "Stop it, stop it! Yes, yes, I'll - I mean, no! No! No, I didn't mean that! Don't-!" He blinked a few times wide eyed, and pulled the phone from his ear. He stared at it for a moment and put the phone back in the cradle, looking a little shocked.

Roy raised an eyebrow. "That went well. What's wrong with your nephew?"

Ed shook his head and answered, "He's going to get us sick, that's what." Roy rolled his eyes at how overdramatic Ed was being. The kid wasn't going to get them sick, and if they did get sick, it wasn't going to be the end of the world. Before Roy could voice these thoughts, however, Ed went on, clearly irritated, "And Al tricked me into giving him the answer he wanted!" The blond huffed and fell backward into the lounge chair by the fireplace.

"How did he manage that?" Roy asked, curious to find out what had been so gross.

Ed flushed a funny pink when Roy asked. He mumbled, "None of your business."

Roy considered his options and decided to drop the subject. It clearly made Ed uncomfortable, and he knew from experience that if he pushed the issue, Ed would just push back harder. The best course of action, if he really wanted an answer, was to drop it for now and bring it up later to catch Ed off guard. He examined Ed's nearly naked state and couldn't help the smirk crawl onto his lips as he spotted the red marks he'd left on Ed's neck earlier that morning, before they'd gone to sleep. He could tell by a few new aches on his shoulders that Ed had accomplished his usual, and bitten him.

Ed sighed and got to his feet after a moment of silence. "I was _going_ to convince you to fuck for a few hours, but it looks like we don't have time." He glanced at the clock above the fireplace and frowned firmly. "We have exactly twenty minutes. I'm going to take a shower and get dressed."

Roy got to his feet and offered with a sly grin, "I'll join you."

Ed shot him an irritated look. "It's going to take much more than twenty minutes if you come with me." Roy shrugged and let it go. Ed saw him give in, and couldn't help but grin a little at the idea Roy proposed. "We can make up for it later," he promised. Roy saw that grin, and recognized the expression immediately. He didn't need Ed to say anything to understand what that expression meant. He couldn't help but grin back before Ed turned around and made his way back to the bathroom.

Roy busied himself by getting dressed and brewing a pot of coffee. He hadn't really spent time with Seth before, except for a few parties at the Rockbell home and a couple more at the Hughes's. He was well aware that kids at that age didn't really have too much of a personality, and that a lot of simple things could amuse them for hours at a time. He'd heard a horror story - one of Hughes's many, many stories of Elicia - in which Hughes sat with his daughter and read the same book to her for an hour and a half and she _never got bored_, no matter how many times he read it. Simple as the entertainment might be, kids also liked repetition.

Ed wasn't out of the bedroom yet when the doorbell rang. Roy stood from the kitchen table, coffee in hand, wearing civilian clothes. He called out, "Come in!" but he wasn't sure if he could be heard. He left the kitchen and came into the living room to find Alphonse, with a strong jaw and silvery eyes, placing a little blond boy on the floor next to a big black diaper bag. Al looked up when Roy entered and placed a mug on the coffee table. Al flashed him an earnest smile and stood up straight.

"Roy," Al greeted him, "Thanks for doing this on such short notice."

Roy smiled back. "No problem. You had quite a difficult time persuading Ed, though."

Al laughed and answered, "Ed hates babies. I think he's afraid of breaking them." He rolled his eyes as if the notion was ridiculous. Roy's smile turned a little wry. He often felt that way about small children, but he didn't comment or defend Ed. Al changed the subject quickly. "Seth hasn't had a nap yet, so he should be out in the next half hour. He won't eat much, but try to get him to drink something. He's also been a little cranky because he's sick, so if he cries and you don't know why, it's probably nothing." He glanced at his watch. "I have to go," he said before Roy could respond, and flashed Roy another smile before they exchanged brief farewells. The door closed, leaving a profound silence. Roy turned his attention to his quiet companion, and found Seth standing by the door, staring at something across the room. The kid was cute, as kids go. Ignoring the snot and the drool, he had big silvery eyes like his daddy and had a decent amount of chub on his face and limbs.

Seth looked away from the object that had been drawing his attention, and looked straight at Roy. They stared at each other for a moment, and Roy greeted the kid uncertainly, "Hey. I'm, uh, Roy." He forced an unfelt smile, and Seth's eyes lit up with his broad smile, revealing only four or six teeth, seemingly in random spots in his mouth. Seth walked over to him, arms raised, until he bumped into Roy's shins.

"Up, up!" Seth insisted. Roy almost frowned at the idea. He never agreed to _touch_ the kid... What if he dropped him? What if he squeezed too hard and broke one of those little ribs? Uncertain, he watched the kid for a moment more. Seth's smile fell and a hurt expression befell his face. "Up!" he pushed, tears building up in his eyes. Roy gave in, and leaned down to lift the surprisingly heavy child into his arms. It was unexpectedly natural to rest the child on his hip, one arm wrapped around the tiny waist. Seth's watery eyes dried up quickly, and he pointed to the other side of the room. "Whastha?"

Roy tried to decipher the mushed up words, but couldn't figure out what the kid meant. Seth's eyes wandered around the room, until they landed on the doorway. He squealed in delight, smiling with his half toothless mouth. Roy followed his gaze and found Ed, scowling firmly, leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed. Seth wriggled in Roy's arms, pushing himself away from Roy's body. Roy set him on the ground carefully, and watched the kid wobble right up to Ed and exclaim, "Up! Up!"

Ed snapped, "No. You're going to get both of us sick."

Seth blinked and his smile fell. "Up!"

"No!" Ed insisted.

"Up!" Seth argued.

Roy couldn't help but chuckle at the scene. Ed's eyes flickered up from the kid to Roy, who was clearly amused. "What?" he snapped, ignoring Seth's cries to be picked up. Roy tried to force his smile off his face, but it didn't work very well.

"You're arguing with a one year old," Roy explained with a nonchalant shrug.

Ed shot him a glare. "And you're dating someone who argues with babies."

Roy dropped it there, figuring it was better if they didn't argue until after the baby left.

Most of the few hours they watched Seth consisted of watching the baby roam around the house in search of outlets and small things to choke on, watching him throw a green fuzzy ball in the air, listening to "way mama, way dada," and reading the first half of _Three Little Pigs Say La La La_ out loud repeatedly. Despite Ed's initially poor attitude, he really did love his nephew, and warmed up to babysitting the kid. They tried to get Seth to drink from his sippy cup, and to eat some crackers and blueberries, but he only drank a little and refused to eat the crackers. He gobbled the berries right up, but threw them up not much later. True to Al's word, Seth did fall asleep within the first half hour of his visit, but he woke up after an hour, crying inexplicably.

To stop the piercing noise, both Ed and Roy had hurried to appease the crying child. Ed had offered food and drink while Roy fetched numerous familiar objects - the fuzzy bear Seth liked, or the little blanket with cartoon bears printed on it. Roy even tried picking him up and bouncing him for a good ten minutes. In the end, the only thing that calmed those terrible screams was Ed's automail arm pressing against his back. Of course, there was no way to know that _that_ was the specific thing that calmed him, except that he only stopped crying when Ed held him.

Needless to say, they were not actually all that remorseful to say goodbye to Seth when Winry came to pick him up. Roy had a feeling she'd have given Ed an earful for giving Al such a hard time, except that she was in a hurry. His assumption was true, except she had another reason for letting Ed off the hook. The blond looked absolutely exhausted. Roy did, too, but she didn't say anything about it.

Once alone again, they ate dinner and went to bed immediately afterward. It was early for them to retire, but they weren't exactly used to the demands children had. Ed almost fell asleep instantly, with a passing thought that he'd babysat Seth before and didn't usually get this tired. Roy closed his eyes, feeling Ed's warm body pressed against his back, comforted. He sighed contentedly when he heard the telltale light snore from the other side of the bed that indicated Ed fell asleep. As usual, it only took the blond three minutes.

Roy was jealous, admittedly. Even when he was a kid, he'd had a tough time going to sleep. Generally speaking, it took him anywhere between fifteen to forty minutes to fall asleep. It was okay, since he liked watching Ed sleep. Not that he'd admit it. He wouldn't exactly be a closet romantic if he _admitted_ he was a romantic, right? He was also jealous because Ed could sleep like a rock.

Naturally, it surprised him when Ed did something unusual. He stirred, before Roy fell asleep. He didn't just stir, though. He flipped over, adjusted his legs, rolled onto his back, grumbled unhappily, and got out of bed. Roy turned over and frowned confusedly at his blond lover. "Are you alright?" he asked, sitting up.

Ed snapped, "I'm not alright. Fuck off." Then he stomped out of the room. Roy's frown deepened at Ed's behavior. What had he done to deserve that tone? Ed was notoriously moody, but this was a little different. There was no precursor, no teasing, no arguing, no denial of sex or touch - only a little bit of tossing and turning in bed. He heard a door slam closed, the bathroom from the sounds of it. Concerned, Roy got out of bed and traversed the hallway, to the closed bathroom door. He raised a hand to knock, but stopped himself. He heard the distinct sound of vomiting.

He grimaced, and knocked when everything went quiet. "Ed? Can I get you anything? A glass of water or something?"

Ed replied, voice weak, "Go... screw yourself." The sound of vomiting continued and Roy winced. Maybe they shouldn't have babysat. Still, determined to somehow be there for Ed because, well, he wanted to be nice, he went to the kitchen, grabbed a glass and filled it with water. He made his way back to the bathroom, and knocked again. Ed didn't answer, so he pushed the door open. The blond had his head pressed against the side of the toilet, and looked a little pale. The toilet was vacant of vomit, so Roy figured Ed had flushed. He knelt and silently offered the glass of water.

Ed reluctantly took it, and lifted his head. Roy spotted how his arm shook, and patted Ed's shoulder reassuringly. He stood up and fetched a hand towel. Ed had something gross dripping from his nose, and had spots of something wet on his shirt, where there had undoubtedly been some splashing of toilet water and other things. "Shit," Ed grumbled, wrinkling his nose. He snatched the towel from Roy, wiped up his face, and tossed it onto the floor. "I _knew_ this was going to happen."

Roy smiled apologetically. "Sorry, Ed." Ed grunted, since he didn't have anything in his arsenal of comebacks that responded to earnest apologies. He got to his feet, weak on his legs, and left the glass of water on the counter.

"I'm going to sleep on the couch," he muttered, "It's closer to the bathroom. And our bed is really _hot_." As he said this, he rubbed his automail hand across his stomach. No doubt the automail was cold, and therefore felt nice against Ed's hot skin. Roy agreed to let Ed sleep on the couch, and walked with him out to the living room. It wasn't anything like _guiding_ Ed or _bringing_ Ed because Ed wouldn't stand for something that suggested he was that helpless. Ed flopped onto the couch, and threw his arm over his eyes. Roy fetched a spare blanket and tossed it over the back of the couch for when Ed's hot flashes turned into chills. Ed was asleep by the time Roy found the blanket, and awake again in the bathroom by the time Roy brought the blanket to the couch.

Roy decided it was as good a time as any to go to bed, and paused outside the now open bathroom doorway. Once again, he'd managed to miss the actual vomiting, only watching the build up to it, as Ed closed his eyes, and clutched either side of the bowl with bruising force. "I'm going to sleep," Roy told him, and garnered no response. He hadn't really expected one. "Wake me up if you need anything." With that, he left Ed in the bathroom and went to bed.

Ed took care of business in the bathroom and went back to the living room. He lay down more carefully this time and closed his eyes. He really wanted to sleep, but it seemed like every time he drifted off, he woke up again from a wave of nausea. Determined to stay awake, he desperately tried to focus on something to distract himself. The burning in his nose, or in the back of his throat. The goosebumps and chills crawling along his skin. He opened his eyes with the intention of searching for a blanket, only finding exactly what he needed resting on the back of the sofa, no doubt complements of Roy.

Ed greedily snatched the blanket and bundled himself up. Still, he felt chilly. Scowling, he tried to distract himself again. This time, instead of thinking about how he felt, he started to think about Roy. It was really thoughtful of him to leave a blanket. And he'd been so glad to have that glass of water earlier, even if Roy had pestered him a little at first. That was so telling of Roy's personality. Probing at first, backing off when it's too much, and coming back at just the right time - perfectly manipulating. But Ed didn't mind so much if it meant he had a really awesome boyfriend who understood when to back off and when he was needed. It was also great of Roy to leave him alone to deal with this. Roy did what he could, and let Ed deal with it on his own. Again, perfectly manipulative, Roy had also offered the exact amount of comfort Ed needed: a brief reminder that he was still around and ready to help if needed before letting Ed deal with it by himself.

He couldn't help the sigh that pushed past his lips. Roy was really understanding and supportive in all the right ways, but he had his drawbacks. First of all, his career. They couldn't go out in public, not until Ed's contract with the military was terminated. Not that Ed really felt like displaying his relationship, but it was just a pain in the ass when he woke up early Sunday morning and Roy was addressing the press outside, and Ed would have to leave somehow without being noticed.

Also, Roy was a pompous ass sometimes. Most of the time he was pretty humble when he was at home, and kept the teasing and jokes to a minimum, but every other time they saw each other - at work, out on the street, an accidental meeting in the park - Roy was a righteous ass hole. There were _no_ boundaries. He would say or do anything to tick Ed off. Again, Ed was relatively sure that was significantly related to the fact their relationship had to be secret, but he couldn't help getting honestly riled up. Sometimes he wouldn't meet privately with Roy for days at a time, just to get revenge.

In short, Roy was perfect, with the exception of the temporary secrecy of their relationship and his attitude while in public. Ed couldn't help the small smile that tugged on his lips. He'd forgotten about Roy's romantic tendencies, too. They were more funny to Ed than anything else, but since Roy refused to admit he liked to do romantic things, he never did anything that was so romantic that it was embarrassing. It was nice, in a way. It showed Ed that Roy still cared about more than sex. He never really worried about showing his love or care for Roy; he just assumed Roy understood.

He forced back a yawn and blinked away the water in his eyes. He tried to ignore his churning stomach. The back of his throat and his nose still stung horribly. Desperate to think about anything but throwing up, he focused really hard on his relationship with Roy. They'd been together for just about a year now. He tried to remember how they'd first realized their feelings for each other, but currently came up blank. He remembered finding the General incredibly sexy for a long time, and then missing the bastard when he left on assignments. He couldn't remember when they first talked out of the office, or when they first kissed - mainly because his stomach was twisting and frantically shoving the contents of his stomach up his esophagus. He jumped to his feet, tossing the blanket aside, and ran to the bathroom to hurl.

He emerged from the cold, heartless chamber minutes later and ambled over to the couch. He lay down and closed his eyes, the burning sensation in his nose renewed. He felt like there was a chunk of something in his throat and pushed the thought aside groggily. He was tired, and a little lightheaded. He had drank some water before he came back to the couch, but he wasn't sure he was hydrated properly. Still, he felt too weak to get up and fetch some water.  
Once more trying to distract himself, he thought of Roy. No longer strongly distracted, since his stomach had quieted its complaints, he remembered when he and Roy first kissed. It was the night after Roy was declared Fuhrer. His entire team got together and held a huge party. Ed, just having turned the legal drinking age, had decided to give it a go, only because Al had urged him to. He grimaced as he recalled Al's reasons. _I want to see what you're like when you're drunk!_ A stupid question, since everyone acts the same when they're drunk: like stupid ass holes, emphasis on the stupid. He also remembered swallowing shot after shot, that awfully nice burning sensation in his esophagus, so similar and so different to its current ache.

The rest of the night was a blur, mostly sitting down and watching everyone else doing crazy shit, speaking only when it was demanded of him. Al had gotten a call, and needed to leave immediately. Roy had promised Ed would get home safely. Ed didn't remember any of that happening, but had been told that's what went down.

The only thing he remembered after sitting down to watch a game of beer pong was standing in an alleyway with Roy, pressing the man's back against a cold brick wall, and sticking his tongue in the Fuhrer's mouth. After that, he didn't remember anything. He did recall, however, waking up naked the next morning, sprawled out in Roy's bed with the need to piss, a stomachache, a headache, buttache, and other general aches from having sex. Obviously, he did the sensible thing, and confronted Roy immediately - with a metal foot in the face. He smiled faintly at the memory. Not that those sheets hadn't already been stained with semen, but Roy had complained for weeks about the bloodstains in his bed sheets.

It took a while to calm down, as he recalled. He had been confused, and surprised, and felt like an animal backed into a corner. He knew he'd done something stupid. He had been bewildered, both at how he got there and why Roy had taken him to bed. They argued for a while about the occurrences of the night before, mostly about who made the first move, as if it mattered. And then Ed's stomach had lurched uncomfortably, and he'd ran to the bathroom to throw up. Naturally, it subdued him a little, and Roy was able to explain that he didn't regret what had happened and hoped it would not be a 'singular incident.' Coincidentally, those were his exact words, but Ed wasn't entirely sure.

It had taken a lot of work to get all their boundaries straight - which could be practically nothing, depending on Ed's mood - and to figure each other out as partners. But it was definitely worth it. Ed had never felt so close to someone. To simply look at him, and have an entire conversation. Of course, he was that close to Al, too, but the physical intimacy Ed had with Al definitely didn't match what he had with Roy.

Inexplicably, he suddenly began to miss the bastard. He rolled onto his side, found the storm in his belly quelled entirely, and sighed. There were a lot of small things he liked about Roy, too. The way he squinted when he woke up in the morning. His minor obsession with making sure his breath didn't smell bad. The single freckle on his left shoulder. Ed missed that. He missed hearing the soft, even breathing as he fell asleep. Waking up to someone warm somehow touching him. At first it had bothered Ed that he had to extract himself from Roy somehow every morning. Couldn't the bastard give him some space? But it became clear quickly that it was inevitable, and now it was nice to be embraced in the morning. An arm slung across his waist, or a hand on his cheek, or an arm under his head.

Ed squeezed his eyes shut. Maybe if he went to sleep really fast, he wouldn't have to think about it anymore. A soft creak drew his attention. He opened his eyes and peered over the arm of the couch to see what had made the noise, and found Roy leaning against the wall, looking tired with his arms crossed. "Are you feeling better?" he asked quietly.

Ed couldn't bring himself to be grouchy. "A little," he admitted, wondering why Roy was up at all. He glanced at the clock. It was almost midnight. Really. Why was Roy awake?

"Come back to bed," he requested. Ed watched the man's features for a long moment. Aside from the dark circles under Roy's eyes, and his gentle tone, he was clearly very solemn. His lips weren't curved in a smug smirk, or a seducing smile, or purely joyful grin. His eyes were a little red, probably from not sleeping, and had a strange softness to them. Ed had never seen this look on Roy's face before. It almost scared him.

"Couch is more convenient," Ed grumbled, denying Roy's request, and plopped his head back down. What was this? One of those closet romantic things? He heard a loud sigh, and the floor creaked again. He watched Roy's legs pass in front of him and eyed the man strangely as he sat down in a lounge chair and pulled out a book. "What are you doing?" Ed asked, finally daring to bite.

Roy answered absently, "Waiting."

"For?" Ed pushed.

"For my brain to catch up with my body," he clarified without looking up from his book. "It doesn't seem to understand that I'm tired." Ed frowned. He was vaguely aware that Roy was always awake by the time Ed fell asleep himself, and had deduced that the man took a longer time to fall asleep, but taking _hours_ to go to sleep? That was a little ridiculous.

"So why'd you ask me to come back to bed?" he inquired cautiously.

Roy answered frankly, "You know the answer to that."

Ed muttered, "Well, a man can hope his boyfriend isn't taking estrogen pills."

Roy gave him a stern look. "I don't need to take estrogen pills to want some company."

Ed rolled his eyes. "Even better. It's natural. You're woman with a penis."

"Whatever you say, Ed," Roy murmured, returning his attention to his book. "I'm a woman with a penis bigger than yours." Ed fumed, clenching and unclenching his jaw in an attempt to calm his fury. Unable to contain it for more than a moment, he hopped to his feet and threw a pillow from the couch at Roy. The Fuhrer ducked, and couldn't help but smile up at Ed, who was already reaching for another pillow to throw. "_Someone_ loves me," he remarked, dodging the projectile. "If I had to throw things at someone I loved, I'd avoid sharp and blunt objects as well." Just to spite the man, Ed picked up the coffee mug on the table that Roy had neglected to take care of after emptying the contents, and threw it as hard as he could. It landed with an unsatisfying thump on the back of the chair, and fell down onto Roy's back. Roy reached for it, and placed it neatly on the table again while Ed fumed. Roy smiled at him again.

Ed scowled. "You have a death wish." Roy didn't deny it. He just sat back and clasped his hands together. "How the hell was that supposed to convince me to come back to bed with you?" He crossed his arms, openly glaring.

Roy spread his hands calmly. "It wasn't. I just wanted to see how well you were." He got to his feet, certain that Ed was feeling better, and walked by the little blond. Feeling better himself, and less guilty for leaving Ed alone when he was sick, he went back to bed and tried to go sleep. About five minutes after crawling into bed, he heard the floor creak, and then _thump-clank-thump-clank_ and felt the bed shift beneath him. He smiled when he felt Ed's back to him. Moments later, the telltale snore drifted through the air. Content, he fell asleep. He woke minutes later, and violently cursed Seth before jumping out of bed and running down the hall to hurl in the toilet. Ed, only awake because Roy had been running, listened to Roy puke down the hall, and closed his eyes tiredly. He was too sick to deal with this shit.


End file.
